The weekend goes off without a hitch.
With Friday night comes card playing debauchery with friends that lasts long into the night. With your win you are chosen to wear an itchy flat hat that comes by way of another country. You wonder who in God's earth would wear this hat casually. You are tempted by chocolate cupcakes with blue and pink icing. You find strength in God's word and the promise you will one day look like Emma Stone.
Saturday you wake rested with nothing on television. Your husband watches The West Wing and you read blogs with birth stories. You make a note to not do this again. You later pack your belongings so you can house sit at The Estate. It has space and room and a robot vacuum that cleans itself. You think, "This is the life".
Sunday, you awake and your naive husband jokes that he can see you never leaving The Master Suite, with it's high ceilings, spa tub and large television. You think to yourself "Challenge Accepted". You dedicate every cell of your being to the Academy Awards paying extra attention to the segments that will help you achieve the look of The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo. You master the art of reading tweets while watching red carpet interviews that make you uncomfortable. You impulsively decide to paint your nails after a two year hiatus. You officially change your girl crush from Natalie Portman to Kristen Wiig. Around 9 pm you find yourself with an empty feeling, realizing Billy Crystal wasn't that funny, Jessica Chastain did not win and you forgot to pay attention to your husband that day.
But then.
Your husband will fall backwards in a floral recliner, landing with his bum and legs straight in the air. Without thinking of his well being you jump to your feet to take a picture, but miss it, as he is still faster than you even when upside down.
Lazy weekends are the best. And the Oscars were super boring don't you think?
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