some people call it a calling. other people call it their gifting. some are brave and call it their purpose. does everyone have one? can you have two? or twelve? because i am really good at making pumpkin muffins. and what if what you thought was your calling actually makes you nauseous to think about doing again? just give it time? tweak it a bit? become a hand model? write a book? have a baby? start selling your pumpkin muffins? i find the whole subject of calling and purpose to be even more nerve racking than the dentist. and oh so intimidating! i think it's because i'm afraid that i'm failing. when i ask those questions i feel lost. so lost that i'm not sure if i'm winning or losing. how do you know if you're succeeding in life? has oprah covered that one? i can't tell if i'm at peace or i'm numb. is this that paul contentment thing i always tried my best to achieve or am i settling? lord help you for reading this. i had great intentions of writing a delightful blurb on having a baby just to dress it up for halloween but alas, the deep questions of my life have captured me.
as i date stamped the mail i asked myself what my purpose was. i started to turn it around and asked what i wanted my purpose to be. ah, that feels a little better right? i can choose? wait, it's my life?! this is great news!! yes, i have received confirmation that we in fact can choose our lives. to some this will be elementary, to others it will be a freakin light bulb. it makes me braver when i think that my life is my choices and not some cosmic plan that i have to try and figure out. i think that sucks all the life out of the life God intended. just my opinion. i think my purpose will be: "don't take life too seriously, keep making muffins and handle whatever comes my way with grace and humor." purpose subject to change.
October 28, 2011
October 26, 2011
tales of adventures and such...
brad is trying to convince me we should get into the toilet paper business. "everyone needs it", he texted. true, i thought. i imagined myself mingling at christmas parties, glass of wine in hand, explaining what my husband and i "do".
"OH. oh ok. very cool. so do you guys like design it...oooor package it...?" would be their responses.
one time at a party i lied to a stranger and told him i was a hair stylist. he was a particularly needy gentleman and there was no way i was about to tell him i was a therapist. the party was drab enough. after i said it, i tilted my head with a quizzical look, curious to see if he bought my response. soon after he asked me if i could cut his hair and i told him i was moving to seattle and i was pretty booked. it was like a train that couldn't stop, the lying crazy train. this came after the time i made the mistake of revealing my true profession at the beginning of a massage. there i was lying on the table, ready to enter the zone of "shut up and massage me" when miss chatty asked what i did. "i'm a therapist at a domestic violence shelter" i said muffled by the face pillow. well don't ya know she went on to tell me all about her nephew who has ADHD and should she medicate him and golly it must be so hard to listen to people's problems all day. ya think chatty? could that be the reason i'm trying to get a relaxing massage? all i could see were her feet so i imagined cutting off all her toes, one by one. it was surprisingly relaxing. so after that i decided lying to strangers was the better call. as well as getting a new job since mutilation, real or imagined, isn't healthy.
this other time i told someone i was a teacher on my summer break, when i was really unemployed. i thought that justified seeing 3 movies in 3 days. it sounded better than "i just quit pier 1". oh wait, and then this other time i spoke in an english accent to the bank teller. it was a last minute decision simply to make a routine saturday a little more interesting. i was so convincing that she asked what part of england i was from to which i said, the northern part. walking out i felt proud and adventurous but then realized i'd have to keep this up. i decided there was nothing wrong with being an american at the branch on harbor instead.
try to glean as much wisdom and truth from this as you can and let me know where you found it. oh and happy wednesday!
"OH. oh ok. very cool. so do you guys like design it...oooor package it...?" would be their responses.
one time at a party i lied to a stranger and told him i was a hair stylist. he was a particularly needy gentleman and there was no way i was about to tell him i was a therapist. the party was drab enough. after i said it, i tilted my head with a quizzical look, curious to see if he bought my response. soon after he asked me if i could cut his hair and i told him i was moving to seattle and i was pretty booked. it was like a train that couldn't stop, the lying crazy train. this came after the time i made the mistake of revealing my true profession at the beginning of a massage. there i was lying on the table, ready to enter the zone of "shut up and massage me" when miss chatty asked what i did. "i'm a therapist at a domestic violence shelter" i said muffled by the face pillow. well don't ya know she went on to tell me all about her nephew who has ADHD and should she medicate him and golly it must be so hard to listen to people's problems all day. ya think chatty? could that be the reason i'm trying to get a relaxing massage? all i could see were her feet so i imagined cutting off all her toes, one by one. it was surprisingly relaxing. so after that i decided lying to strangers was the better call. as well as getting a new job since mutilation, real or imagined, isn't healthy.
this other time i told someone i was a teacher on my summer break, when i was really unemployed. i thought that justified seeing 3 movies in 3 days. it sounded better than "i just quit pier 1". oh wait, and then this other time i spoke in an english accent to the bank teller. it was a last minute decision simply to make a routine saturday a little more interesting. i was so convincing that she asked what part of england i was from to which i said, the northern part. walking out i felt proud and adventurous but then realized i'd have to keep this up. i decided there was nothing wrong with being an american at the branch on harbor instead.
try to glean as much wisdom and truth from this as you can and let me know where you found it. oh and happy wednesday!
October 20, 2011
who needs xanax when you can just talk to yourself?...
lately my coping skills have been reduced to hitting refresh on facebook and taking walks around the parking lot. all in an attempt to contain my anxiety. that anxiety is an ugly wench and she's something fierce! facebook proves to be frustrating because of my unquenchable thirst for status updates. (to the people who report everything they did and ate that day: i salute you and keep it coming.) the parking lot seems to help though. it acts as a mini vacay from the phone ringing and beige office walls. the fresh air, sun in my eyes, brisk walk and new sounds can change my perspective, ultimately giving lady anxiety the middle finger. "no i will not worry about that you bi*ch". today on my vacay i ventured across the street which led me to a delightful little bench under a canopy of trees. trees in irvine! it was indeed a plethora of trees and thus the makings of an irvine forest. i turned sad at the thought of it becoming a yogurtland, as do most things in irvine. i wondered how many people had sought relief on this bench with it's trees and shade. what conversations had taken place and what prayers had been whispered, right where i was sitting? ok, starting to feel a little better. i began my walk back to the office and felt the panic start to tempt me again. i took a deep breath and kept walking because i knew what i needed to do. i needed to stop worrying about tomorrow and get back to the life i had today. i plopped into my springy office chair and answered the phone with a shouting peppy tone that resembled miss america. "a CHRISTIAN EDUCATION MAJOR from YORBA LINDA CALIFORNIA. I-AM. CARRIE THAYER." i would go on to be the best receptionist irvine had ever seen that day.
to you lady anxiety i say, screw you. it is what it is and i'll know when i know.
to you lady anxiety i say, screw you. it is what it is and i'll know when i know.
October 18, 2011
i am the new pink...
let's get back to the vanities.
upon dying my hair a fancy red, two of my coworkers became fancy with me the following day! and then it hit me. trendsetter. and so it is, i have finally found my people. the people who think everything i wear and do is stylish and phat. my people study my every move and garment to copy my youth and exuberance. my people are over 50's women who work in property management. they are beautiful, strong, committed women to the cause of accounting and office management. i have introduced them to things like the flat iron, high waisted trousers with skinny belts and bronzer. i am like their style yoda, teaching them important lessons such as "that shirt doesn't go with those pants" and "i can see your undergarments when you wear it like that". i experienced this briefly in texas when i wore jcrew khakis one day to church. lord i've never seen a crowd so big. but that quickly wore off when they realized i had no real connections to the cast of laguna beach. my people have lifestyle questions as well and i, their stylish leader, educate them on the happenings of the younger folk. i am like a bridge to generations. "carrie, what is a snooki?" "carrie, could you show me how to twit?" "carrie, do you have the facebook?" the lessons i have taught them are invaluable. but i am the real winner in this situation. in return, they are teaching me that the older you get, the better you can become. cheers to these beautiful women.
upon dying my hair a fancy red, two of my coworkers became fancy with me the following day! and then it hit me. trendsetter. and so it is, i have finally found my people. the people who think everything i wear and do is stylish and phat. my people study my every move and garment to copy my youth and exuberance. my people are over 50's women who work in property management. they are beautiful, strong, committed women to the cause of accounting and office management. i have introduced them to things like the flat iron, high waisted trousers with skinny belts and bronzer. i am like their style yoda, teaching them important lessons such as "that shirt doesn't go with those pants" and "i can see your undergarments when you wear it like that". i experienced this briefly in texas when i wore jcrew khakis one day to church. lord i've never seen a crowd so big. but that quickly wore off when they realized i had no real connections to the cast of laguna beach. my people have lifestyle questions as well and i, their stylish leader, educate them on the happenings of the younger folk. i am like a bridge to generations. "carrie, what is a snooki?" "carrie, could you show me how to twit?" "carrie, do you have the facebook?" the lessons i have taught them are invaluable. but i am the real winner in this situation. in return, they are teaching me that the older you get, the better you can become. cheers to these beautiful women.
October 6, 2011
dear future me...
one of the best scenes from the office is when jim writes a fax to future dwight. i thought i'd write a spin off letter from my future self addressed to my present self to further illustrate how BORED i am today at work.
dear present carrie:
hello you sexy doll. things are great as future carrie, but i have some advice. spend more time on the things that make you happy like baking for your husband, working out and singing. have more people over to your house because you have a lovely home. stop whining about cleaning and just do it because it will make your home even lovelier. don't rush through things, enjoy them. spend less time thinking about the details of the future because you're wasting present carrie's precious time. also spend less time on your phone because creating memories with friends and family are what you'll actually remember. enjoy the perfect california weather because you never know where you'll end up (but i know). enjoy life without kids because it will never be the same. be present for conversations instead of thinking about what you will be doing next. go see live music whenever you have the chance. tell the people you love how great they are everyday. create the home that you love, not someone else's home you love on pinterest. try new things because it will lead you to more new things. and keep being weird because in the end, it's what feels the most comfortable.
love,
future carrie
dear present carrie:
hello you sexy doll. things are great as future carrie, but i have some advice. spend more time on the things that make you happy like baking for your husband, working out and singing. have more people over to your house because you have a lovely home. stop whining about cleaning and just do it because it will make your home even lovelier. don't rush through things, enjoy them. spend less time thinking about the details of the future because you're wasting present carrie's precious time. also spend less time on your phone because creating memories with friends and family are what you'll actually remember. enjoy the perfect california weather because you never know where you'll end up (but i know). enjoy life without kids because it will never be the same. be present for conversations instead of thinking about what you will be doing next. go see live music whenever you have the chance. tell the people you love how great they are everyday. create the home that you love, not someone else's home you love on pinterest. try new things because it will lead you to more new things. and keep being weird because in the end, it's what feels the most comfortable.
love,
future carrie
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